Writings from last spring, a week in solitude.
April 2, 2014
Writings from a current state of mind:
That wasn't the first time I ended up at the bottom of an ocean of alcohol, drugs, depression and no self-control. I've been acquainted with that bed on the bottom more times than I can count on two hands. It began when I was thirteen, the destruction of my organic form by pure enjoyment. I was a shy and sensitive child, the first time I got drunk, at the Rib Cage in English Bay while passing a bottle of whiskey around a tight held circle, a boy played the guitar, his body reposed, curved with the cage, the words from my throat were set free. It was as easy as a few putrid gulps. That was my portal, my entrance into the circular labyrinth, and I began to walk. As I continued, the sights changed, the view changed, but it was but the same ground, at one end positive, on the other end negative. And I'd walk in circles: An effort to be good, a waning, the vices would take over, blissfully slide into depression, self-sabotage, reach the bottom, release the influences, try to reconnect with self, rise, rise, get too comfortable, slack, reach for the vices, and on and on and on for nine years, nearly a decade.
Synchronicity is a Safe Zone, have only good intention in the synchronistic flow and you will be safe, happy, healthy, and on your higher path. You have been everyone and everything, this has happened before and it'll keep happening again. Life is a cycle, but you have the choice of experiencing a higher cycle with a clearer understanding of the bigger and bigger and bigger picture. Each state of consciousness you experience a different plane of understand of the same thing. Lower states of consciousness your understanding is narrow and compartmental, zero-ing in on something small and giving it all the meaning. The higher your state of mind, the further and further away your vision and understanding zooms out.
We're all pieces of a cycle, a cycle that will keep going no matter what we do. It goes up, it comes down, it rises back up, it goes back down. Evil takes over, Good takes over, there's a balance, then Evil takes over, Good takes over, then a balance. Cycles in time, cycles in weather, cycles in civilization, health, life, death, Reptiles takes over the planet, Humans take over the planet, and so on, on a loop. The nature of the cells in your body mirrors the nature of civilization, mirrors the nature of Planet Earth, mirrors the nature of the solar system, mirrors the nature of the galaxy, mirrors the nature of Space, and so on and so on. We are all part of the same rhythm. This cycle is sustaining itself, we are but a small mechanism of it's process.
But what I do believe that we have control over is: we can choose to reach for the positive energy of the spectrum or the negative. We might be meant to, in this moment in time, to be among the negative, but we can fight the natural flow and strive towards the positive. All the powers sustaining the current of the Universe might be doing all they can to knock you back to the negative so you can keep sustaining the cycle, but maybe if you try hard enough, you can break through to the positive and help Good spread a little further.